Surviving a Swiftie

Unfortunately, I now know what all the songs on RED sound like

Douglas Kendyson
3 min readNov 28, 2021
I may or may not have made this shirt for my boyfriend

Since the beginning of time, there has always been annoying people that walked this planet, but these Swifties *cracks knuckles*

So… we get it, the doll’s THEE WRITER, she makes hits, SELLS RECORDS (ALWAYS), breaks charts, pretty, rich, and the songs bang, but have you ever met a humble Swiftie before? Let me guess, NO!

Get into any stan argument with them and without fail they will mention she has 3 Grammy AOTs, 1989 being one of the highest grossing tours and the fact that all her albums have gone platinum in the first week or two. If that’s not enough to shut you up, they’ll start talking about her song writing prowess, which if we’re being honest, she is that GIRL, but can they shut up about it? That’s the rhetorical question, the answer is NO.

Speaking of the doll’s songwriting, I remember listening to Clean off the 1989 album and thinking, damn, this farm girl is good! Who writes a song that parallels between heartbreak and an addiction and feeling better??

Ten months sober, I must admit
Just because you’re clean, don’t mean you don’t miss it
Ten months older, I won’t give in
Now that I’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it

My worst/best TS song has to be Lover, not because I don’t like it but because I remember hearing that song for the first time and thinking “what is this CORNY ASS great song?”, and as a hater of overtly sappy songs, I wanted to hate it but that shit was too corny not to love it.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue
All’s well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover
And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me
And at every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover

Ewwww. But also, 🥺

Honorary mention to the toxic bop: Afterglow. The doll gets me.

Anyway, my biggest beef with them now has to be these album re-recordings. They just won’t shut up about it. Why is a 10 years old song going #1? (If he was beside me now, he’d mention the album also went #1 and I should mention it too). 🙄

RED (Taylor’s version) just dropped and my nigga made sure I was an All Too Well stan before it dropped. As someone that got on the TS train during the 1989 era, none of her country stuff really spoke to me. I think I had tried listening to RED before and only liked the pop sounding songs, but with most albums, you just have to find the track that sucks you into the whole experience, and now I play RED (Taylor’s version) every few hours. I’m just sick to my stomach. 🤢

I think I like RED a lot because it has fine blend of pop music in it, and I listen to some of those songs and think “What was this girl going through? Damn you JAKE!!!!”. Anyway, the next re-recording I’m looking forward to is 1989, and Clean better have a music video! Also, I want justice for the new romantics music video, that concert montage music video was a travesty and I want a redo of that. I’m also curious to know what’s in the 1989 vault, I’m sure it’s good!

Before I go, re-recording Shake it off is a choice TS and you don’t have to do it. 🥴



Douglas Kendyson

I write essays I’d like to read and it’s usually for a very specific audience // Building //