Every church will not be queer friendly and that’s okay

Douglas Kendyson
3 min readDec 15, 2022

Over the last couple of months, I’ve documented my journey back to fellowshipping in a Church on IG. A huge part of the process was visiting some churches sharing how blessed I was and also noting if they were homophobic et al, and talking about how that affects new visitors and people that just want to grow their relationship with God.

I got a new perspective on this a few weeks back when I followed my friend to her Church. She attends Elevation Church, Lekki. I arrived before her and she was late, but we don’t need to rub that in her face. Actually, she gave me the wrong time for the 3rd service too, anyway, I digress. lol. The service was great, I was blessed by the worship and specifically the sermon. I’m familiar with winners’ service and the style of service reminded me of that. After the service, we were talking about how good a time we had; I told her “I had a great time, I hope they aren’t homophobic, I’d like to come back some other time”. Which is valid because indeed no one wants to come to Church and be made to feel sick (the same conversation I’ve talked about over the last few months).

Her response, “I don’t care” shocked me. She went on to explain she’s been coming for a while, her relationship with God has gotten better, she received a divine miracle just the week prior, and at this point, it doesn’t matter because she’s developed a filter for these things. An even better point was the fact that Church systems have existed long before the world became more accepting of queer people, and for a lot of Christians that are queer, it’s taken them years (20,30 and more) to get comfortable in their own skin — tbh, most people are never really comfortable, but that’s a conversation for another day — so if we’re being open minded, we can understand that queerphobia is all most churches have known, and while not impossible, you can see the correlation to why it will be hard for them to stop so quickly. Basically, empathy for Churches.

This doesn’t mean anyone should have to subject themselves to mockery and jest from the pulpit because they want to fellowship in a Church. But it means, if you’re getting fed in a Church and you see your spiritual life growing with them, try to persist, and as you persist try to have your buffer. Churches are made of humans and humans are not perfect, so none will be. What’s important is growing your relationship with God and advancing the Kingdom.

Before I go, I should mention, of course you can do this on your own. Your spiritual life can grow outside of a Church, however, there’s strength and growth in fellowship with Christians. That’s one of the reasons to be active in a Church, it has a way of pushing you even when you don’t want to and more.

I hope this nudges you to attend Church this Sunday. There’s probably a word waiting for you there. You can also stream, that’s a good start. Find a church you are connected to, and give it a shot! ❤️❤️

Ps: Church can be more fun when you’re not alone, so try to see if you can go with a friend, that usually makes the experience better, and you can discuss your experience with them after too. 👯‍♂️👯‍♂️



Douglas Kendyson

I write essays I’d like to read and it’s usually for a very specific audience // Building Selar.co // douglas@selar.co